engelske guldkorn

[tzari]

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they

were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne

and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new

wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked

"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess...


































Smallcox

[tzari]

http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

sjov sang   

[tzari]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in
Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
She pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man
here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the
end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter
and bellowed, 'Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all
of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, 'Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do
you keep calling her the ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina!'

[tzari]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers :
Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.

[tzari]

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas .

When I was born, I was BLACK,
When I grew up, I was BLACK,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK,
When I was scared, I was BLACK,
When I was sick, I was BLACK,
When I bruise, I'm still BLACK,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK.

NOW, You 'white' folks......
When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE,
And when you die, you look GRAY.

So who y'all callin'
C O L O R E D folks?